Sunday, February 22, 2009


I know I talk about my ex alot, but if you been with a person for a year and yall did everything together with each other then all of a sudden the relationship just ends like that and yall break-up.... You're still going to have feelings for that person no matter what happened between yall.

No matter how much I say I'm happy deep deep down inside I'm NOT. I'm happy to be single, but in a way I'm not. I don't like to be alone or felling like I'm by myself. Knowing that, that person or someone was there for me is now gone. It started with my dad. Me and my dad were so close and then he got sick.. I have always told myself that if anything was to happen to my parent(s) I would not know what to do or how I would accept it. And, I guess how I got this far with dealing with his death is by having someone there for me. And, I think now its time for me to gain my strength on my own and not try to fill in the hole that's in my heart b/c of the one reason......

Any who..., My ex knew how to touch me, kiss me, make me laugh and make me smile. No he wasn't the man I needed because on the other side of all the happiness and sunshine, the sun goes away and then its dark. He hurt me in so many ways and I just couldn't allow myself to be hurt or in the position anymore. So I had to let him go and do whats right for me. Now that I'm in my own apartment, sometime I sit when I'm alone and think if he was here with me what would we be doing right now? , How would it be like with us living with each other on our own?, How would it be for me to be living with him? I Never took any of my relationships to that level and that would have been the first one on the level for me. All kind of thoughts goes through my mind all the time. I wasn't really happy in that relationship, but I guess you can say I made myself happy, well on the other hand it was like 50/50 (my happiness). Every relationship has its ups and downs and ours was one of them. It had gotten to the point where my family and friends didn't like him anymore, but at that time that didn't matter to me. What mattered was me being happy, but like I said my happiness was 50/50. So at the end my family and friends will always be there for me no matter what decision I make or had made. I had to ask myself before we took this relationship to a whole other level, Is this what I really want?, Is this the person that my daddy would want me to have or be with? My cousin wanted him so bad, and I think if we would have stayed together somebody would have gotten physically hurt. So before it could even escalate to that point or situation I had to end it(tear).
I can honestly say I'm so much happy, because I'm single but I'm not happy that I'm alone. Yea I meet guys but no one will treat me the way he treated me when the sun was shinning. GOD has somebody that will treat me better and only time will tell when that person will come. I know it won't be until I have gotten myself mentally together and over that relationship and over him. I now know what I want out of a man and a relationship. I won't accept nothing less.


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