34 more days!!!

Well, I am supper excited about my lil vacation that me and my bestie has planned. We are going to VEGAS and I can't wait!!!. Our fiend James will be accompanying us as well!! Too bad we are not going during spring break but it doesn't matter to me b/c were gonna have fun either way it goes. I already let her know anything that happens in Vegas stays in Vegas..... But I don't have to worry about that with her b/c she doesn't tell ppl business like that anyway. I already know that I will be getting f 'd up anyway it goes. We're gonna be out there 6 days and 5 nights. Most likely 4 out of the 5 night there I will be f 'd up... I lie...LOL, ALL 5 night I will be f 'd up. YEY!!! I have 34 more days to go until we depart.

Here's a pic of the hotel we're staying at... The Luxor

Now the only thing is... I never been on a plan before, so I am xtra scared. I just think back to 9-11 and just recently there was a Continental plane that crashed. Now the statistics states that flying in a plane is 90% safer then driving in a car. I don't know how true that is but... I guess I can go ahead and take that risk. Everyone has all these different stories about when you first get on the plane make sure your seat isn't by the window. But, I'm a window chick... Some ppl say before the plan lift off chew gum, stuff ur ears with cotton, cross your legs and etc. All those are crazy but I think the chew gum one is true. But, I will be praying from the time of arrival at the airport until we land. Cuz only GOD knows.

I think I'm gonna end it here...
Fe-Fe

HELP....What should I do??

Ok, where should I start??? There is this guy that I have been talking to off and on for three yrs now but only as a friend. He know how I felt about him at the beginning but I at the time he just wanted to be friends b/c we were just that damn kool...
Any who... all of a sudden I get a phone call after a yr later from him asking if he could see me and his bday was coming up. Well by me wanting to see him too and still having feelings for him I agreed to do so. Yea I know your think, hey wasn't you in a relationship at that time? Yes I was but my bf at the time now my ex was in jail and his time to serve at the time was unexpected. Well, I ended up taking him to one of my lil hole in the walls where we could just chill and have drinks. So, I ended up getting drunk and feeling real good and I still had to take him home. Which he stayed all the way on the other side of town. Well, in the car it got a lil touchy feely and when we got to his house it went down. :-I I blame it on the a-a-a-a-alcohol.... LOL! But I don't regret it b/c it was sooo gud. Any who I don't count that as cheating on my ex bf b/c he was locked up. So, what he don't know wont hurt him.... ! So to go ahead and make this long story short, we have been texting back and fourth and I was recently informed that he has a chick now and they stay together. But he's calling me wanting to know if we can handle business again. Now in my mind I'm thinking.. ok so your girl ain't doing something right for you to keep your mind off me. So, I'm like throwing it in his face like you wouldn't even be in this situation if we would have gotten together in the first place. And he's lie hush mouth. I told him yea that's fine but at the same time I'm like hold up I'm not no sideline hoe.... So when ur single and not tied up or in any awkward position holla atcha girl. I'm NOT gonna come second in nobody book, I will be the main bytch like I have always been in any of the relationships. Not saying that there were other females, well not that I know of. And he's like can I move in....? WTF, I know I mentioned this in one of my recently blogs. Yep that's him. Well, I'm like if i say yes, what are you gonna do about your job? and he said get another one. I asked what about your chick? I'm not trying to break up no happy home. And he said f her. So I'm like I don't think that would be a good idea b/c for the simple fact if that was me in that situation, I wouldn't want that to be done to me. KARMA IS A BYTCH!. So what should I do at this point? Do you think I handled the situation correctly? Do you think I should have slept with him that one time? HELP.... What should I do??

Emotions/Thoughts

I know I talk about my ex alot, but if you been with a person for a year and yall did everything together with each other then all of a sudden the relationship just ends like that and yall break-up.... You're still going to have feelings for that person no matter what happened between yall.

No matter how much I say I'm happy deep deep down inside I'm NOT. I'm happy to be single, but in a way I'm not. I don't like to be alone or felling like I'm by myself. Knowing that, that person or someone was there for me is now gone. It started with my dad. Me and my dad were so close and then he got sick.. I have always told myself that if anything was to happen to my parent(s) I would not know what to do or how I would accept it. And, I guess how I got this far with dealing with his death is by having someone there for me. And, I think now its time for me to gain my strength on my own and not try to fill in the hole that's in my heart b/c of the one reason......

Any who..., My ex knew how to touch me, kiss me, make me laugh and make me smile. No he wasn't the man I needed because on the other side of all the happiness and sunshine, the sun goes away and then its dark. He hurt me in so many ways and I just couldn't allow myself to be hurt or in the position anymore. So I had to let him go and do whats right for me. Now that I'm in my own apartment, sometime I sit when I'm alone and think if he was here with me what would we be doing right now? , How would it be like with us living with each other on our own?, How would it be for me to be living with him? I Never took any of my relationships to that level and that would have been the first one on the level for me. All kind of thoughts goes through my mind all the time. I wasn't really happy in that relationship, but I guess you can say I made myself happy, well on the other hand it was like 50/50 (my happiness). Every relationship has its ups and downs and ours was one of them. It had gotten to the point where my family and friends didn't like him anymore, but at that time that didn't matter to me. What mattered was me being happy, but like I said my happiness was 50/50. So at the end my family and friends will always be there for me no matter what decision I make or had made. I had to ask myself before we took this relationship to a whole other level, Is this what I really want?, Is this the person that my daddy would want me to have or be with? My cousin wanted him so bad, and I think if we would have stayed together somebody would have gotten physically hurt. So before it could even escalate to that point or situation I had to end it(tear).
I can honestly say I'm so much happy, because I'm single but I'm not happy that I'm alone. Yea I meet guys but no one will treat me the way he treated me when the sun was shinning. GOD has somebody that will treat me better and only time will tell when that person will come. I know it won't be until I have gotten myself mentally together and over that relationship and over him. I now know what I want out of a man and a relationship. I won't accept nothing less.

I LOVE MYSELF!!

WTF.... Is really going on....?

Ok, so i got me some ass the other day, and I just couldn't believe that this motherfucker only last for 8min.....? What grown ass man does that, and his damn excuse was, "your shit is so good I just couldn't help it...". WTF..... R u serious? Like I never NEVer NEVER had anyone who last ONLY 8min.... That's like so not satisfying. Really.

Guys now days just want to fuck you and that's it, they not talking bout no relationship or anything. It's like they see a female that has a good head on her shoulders and doing shit for herself and they just want to come and lay up on her. Man time are too damn hard for that shit. AMEN!



So with that being said just the other day... matter of fact it was just yesterday this guy that i have been talking to off and on for about 2yrs go have the nerve and ask me to move in... WTF do I look like..? Do I look like booboo tha fool?? Nigga please.

#1. You staying with ya girl....

#2 when you had the chance to talk to me, you choose someone else over me...(that's what happens when you choose trash over a classy bitch)

#3 You go quite your job and move clear across town to stay with me...
(my nigga don't you know we in a recession)

#4 and if I was to say yea, (not that I am) what makes you think I want your ass there with me...

I like his swag, but to me he is not bf material.... not at all.

* So much I have on my mind about guys... i just don't understand.

Well gotta get back to work...

MEN.....???

I wonder why the only thing that guys want to do is fuck....??

Well to make a long story short, my mother is trying to hook me up with this guys....WTF?? I just got out of this 1yr relationship and Im really not ready to move on that fast. Im not even gonna lie I do still love him but I can't be with him.

Anywhoo, this guy is totally not my type, and the only reason why I'm talking to him is because he is helping to remodel my mother house. Well he called last night and we talked for a good lil min, longer than normal. Well the convo was going good until he started asking me all these personal questions (and yall know what kind of questions im talking about). So my silly ass, sittn here entertaining him. So this nigga talking bout come over so he can munch on my pumpum....
......LOL.....??? WTF is a pumpum?.....

And from there I lost kind of respect for him. Like dude we just started talking and you want me to fuck you...? And on top of that I just told you, I think all guys are hoe until that one guy comes and prove me differently. So, WOW today I had to go to my mom house to let them in so they could change the back doors in the house. And he's like can I come sit with you, and Im like NO, don't you have work to do??He was like I just want to come sit by you and talk. So I kinda brushed his ass off.... Im like wtf... dude last night was our first time that we actually sat down and had a convosation with each other. You are just like thae rest of em'.

Niggas these days.

Even though I havent had sex in a while b/c Im tryn to hold out until I get into a relationship b/c I know how my feelns are.

ONE